There's one thing you can't go wrong with on Chinese New Year: it's fun. To most of the world, we Chinese are a bunch of crackpots who celebrate New Year in February. To those in the know however, i.e those with more than the miniscule grain of culture that happens to blow into their cranial orifices like pollen, Chinese New Year [CNY] is a perfectly reasonable and downright superb celebration.

As the writer it is my obligation to educate the readers as to the purpose of Chinese New Year. Much as the name sounds obvious, it doesn't sound sensible to the logically supressed that much of the world never actually followed the Gregorian calendar. There is a reason as to why CNY is celebrated in February, and why the date changes annually. It is because to the historically agrarian Chinese, the advent of New Year is tied to the lunar cycle. The New Year isn't so much January the 1st [though the Chinese did indeed have the concept of a twelve-month year and a twelve-year zodiac] as the advent of spring, which is why in China CNY is actually referred to as the Spring Festival, and as it is to any agrarian culture, spring heralds the planting season. Spring Festival is a time to offer thanks for last year's harvest [or curses if it was a bad one], in any case offer hope for a good one this time round, and re-establish family bonds, which is why families will get together and meet; this is often the only opportune moment to do so all year.

Now that the whats and whys have been seen to, several rites and trends of CNY will be explained. As mentioned before, families for their own particular reasons find it difficult to unite during other times of the year. Much importance is therefore placed on the family's reunion gathering, done on New Year's Eve. The reunion dinner is a symbol of the family's togetherness; it is a gesture of politeness as much as it is an obligation to turn up. The dinner is usually held in the home of the family patriarch, as a mark of respect for the family's leader, and this home will be the focal point of most of the subsequent celebrations. For wedded couples, it is the husband's side that holds priority; a wife will therefore usually spend the reunion dinner at the in-laws'.

The Chinese festive dinner is literally a litany of lucky wishes. Due to the repetitive nature of Chinese pronounciation, the name of certain food items is taken as connotations of something auspicious. For instance, fatt choy, a kind of desert algae which resembles wads of unconditioned hair, has the same pronounciation as the Chinese word for 'increasing wealth', and is thus considered an auspicious food [the harvest of this algae is sadly an illegal trade, much of it being taken from the dunes of northwestern China; the ecological impact being the dunes' surface not being held together and erodes. Efforts to halt fatt choy harvesting have been as successful as a lunar attempt on Apollo 13]. Pineapples [ong lai] or cheap tacky plastic representations thereof are often hung in doorways as their name corresponds to 'gold arriving'. Though essentially a Malaysian tradition the tossed salad or lowh sang was in fact started by the Hong Kong-ites; the Singaporeans just love taking the credit. The tossing action is complemented by blessings uttered as the salad is tossed higher and higher, and is usually done to reaffirm family and social ties. A fish [yeue] is often represented somewhere in the house as its name corresponds to the Chinese word for excess; a gold fish [kam yeue] in figurine, sometimes live form, is usually used as it connotates an excess of gold. In addition to the significant foods, items which are just plain expensive like shark's fin and sea cucumber are also served.

If you hadn't guessed by now, the Chinese are a superstitious and materialistic bunch. During CNY, it is believed a deity of prosperity [Choi Sun] will arrive on Earth to give His blessing. As such prayer altars are erected and incense burned by Taoist and esoteric Buddhists to herald the deity's arrival. Worship of other deities and temple visitation is also practiced by these people as requests for blessings, and offerings include the brilliant pink fatt koh [fortune cake, also the pronounciation for 'high wealth']. Another famous offering is the lin koh or sticky cake. Made from palm sugar stirred for hours over a fire and wrapped in palm leaves, this is sweet and is 'served' to the immortal Choi Sun to gum up His mouth so He may not send a bad report against the visited household. How's that for Chinese humour? It is more typical these days for families to eat the cake; it is best sliced and fried in egg or grated coconut.

The famous lion and dragon dances are performed in the belief that the domineering cacophony as well as the hood's fearsome visage will drive away evil spirits from the household. Fireworks and firecrackers do more than just gladden the heart, they perform the same purpose as the dances, creating bright light and loud noise to deter unwelcome spirits [Caution: may lead to subsequent pyromania, a lust to start bonfires and a yearning to burn everything]. Spring cleaning the house is done not only to prep the house up for the festival, but to ensure the house is thoroughly cleansed, for during the first days of CNY it is inauspicious to clean the house for fear of 'sweeping the luck away'. Calligraphy bestowing blessings upon the household is stuck up on walls, the most auspicious one, the Chinese word for prosperity, 福 [fook] is usually stuck upside-down on doors, as the character when upside-down appears to depict a smooth flow of wealth through the house's front door.

On the first day of New Year the traditional tea ceremony is conducted, whereby children will offer tea to their parents and offer well-wishes. This is done primarily to reaffirm the family hierarchy and ensure the children continue to show respect to their elders. In exchange the parents and elders feed the children's materialism by dispensing packets of money. In olden days this was usually a token gesture, with little money involved. In modern times bigger pay packets and the general materialism of society mean this has, like presents for Christmas, for better or worse, become the keystone ceremony of CNY.

It is always a tradition to wear new clothes on the first days of CNY, in keeping with the theme of 'out with the old and in with the new'. Inauspicious colours are black, dark blue and white, as these generally signify death and gloom, and particularly in the case of white, funerals. The Chinese fixation with red can be explained as thus, red being a bright 'happy' colour is the most auspicious, along with gold. Ornaments and embellishments such as flowers placed in or around the house are usually of these two colours. Much emphasis is placed on depictions of happy children, for it is believed that children are downright cute and their youthful smiling faces are the ideal depiction of a happy start to the year. It is highly inauspicious to show anger, sadness or mention death during the first few days of New Year and is said to have a negative effect on the rest of the year. Throughout the first few days of New Year it is tradition that families and friends visit each other dispensing gifts and blessings.

The eighth day of New Year is auspicious for the Hokkien peoples, and is celebrated with as much verve and cheer as can be expected on any given day of CNY. The Hokkiens have several deities specific to their linguistic sub-culture and worship of these is carried out on this day. The other auspicious day of New Year is the last. Known as Chap Go Meh it is the 14th and last day of CNY and heralds the end of festivities and the resumption of the year's labour. On this day young girls hoping for love throw oranges into the rivers, having quietly made a relevant wish.